Over the New Year, I have been struggling with low energy, and low mood. And I have been reflecting on several things to do with personality patterns / layers of conditioning to work through, and spiral staircases. I will explain what I mean by all of this in the course of the blog!
Over Christmas, I spent a few days with my family, and it seemed that we got into very conditioned ways of behaving with each other. Yet again, I had that feeling of reverting to childhood, reverting to how I was as a little girl, and feeling powerless to change anything. I felt full of anger, which covered a deep, deep hurt that I had no desire to feel. (And, of course, my ego was hurt as I thought I had dealt with all of this “stuff” – obviously not completely!)
Since I have been back, I have felt low and quite tired – emotionally drained. It reminded me of when I had chronic fatigue / ME. And of course that can be quite scary. Nowadays, I don’t think that I am about to become “ill” again – but I must say that in my recovery from chronic fatigue / ME, this was one of the hardest things – how to work with the mind and the unhelpful mental chatter around lack of energy (you’re always tired, you’re not any better than you were, you’ve still “got” chronic fatigue / ME, you’re never going to get better etc etc)
And this led me to thinking about layers and spiral staircases. I believe that we all have layers and layers of conditioning and unfelt emotions in our energy field, which we work through when we are on a healing journey. Sometimes those layers can seem very similar – and I believe that is because we all have a major “theme” to our path in this lifetime, and the healing associated with that. Similarly with the spiral staircase theme. We can think that we are in exactly the same space as we have been in many times before. But actually, if we take the time to look carefully, we can see that we are higher up, we have progressed, and the view is different from when we were last here.
I was lucky enough to have a healing swap with my dear friend Pauline last Friday. In this healing, we were able to go back to the time I was a child going through the same dynamic as happened in my family at Christmas. I was able to express energetically all the anger and hurt I was feeling – with some force! It felt great! (see my earlier blog post for more about inner child healings.)
That evening, when I was meditating, I realised that, out of the blue and to me completely unexpectedly, I had completely changed my feelings towards my family, particularly one person. Rather than feeling intense hatred, and massive sadness, I was feeling a deep love. Actually feeling those emotions of anger and hurt had allowed space for something else to emerge.
I know for me that my tiredness was often caused by not feeling emotions. For me, the journey from chronic fatigue / ME to full vitality and health was a lot to do with allowing myself to feel emotions as they come up, and fully expressing them. It is also, I think about being vulnerable. As an energy healer myself, I don’t like to think that I still get tired, and still go back to that stuck childhood place – and here I am writing about it in my blog for you all to read!
Receiving an energy healing, and getting in touch with the life force energy that can come from expressing deeply held in emotions has reminded me –yet again!- of how powerful energy healing can be, and how grateful I am to have it in my life – for myself and to share with others.